So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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