At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
