where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
