he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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