after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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