I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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