But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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