I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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