dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
