I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
