so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
