Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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