I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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