can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
