you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
