i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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