i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The power of my boobs compel you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
