I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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