Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
