I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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