i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
