obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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