Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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