I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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