It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
