you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
