have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
