wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
