I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
