why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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