Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
