i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize