I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.