you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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