So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it