It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
