I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?