guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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