Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
