And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
