Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Found the puke drawer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
