What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
