just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
