The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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