A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
