it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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