if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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