if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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