I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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