This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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