just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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