I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
