He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
