There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
