The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
