frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
