sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
