Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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