Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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