i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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