new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize