are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
