tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
