I'm really into asian looking animals
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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