We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
