We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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