Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Floor bacon is actually really good
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?