If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.