textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?