2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
